My dad is sick. And they don’t know what’s wrong. I’m kind of freaking out here. Today they are doing an angioplasty. Yeah, they’re going to send a small tube up to his HEART! What the fuck. My dad walks every day, is as skinny as a rail, and while he doesn’t eat a lot, he doesn’t eat shit. Stuff should just not be wrong with his heart. This is no bueno my friends, no bueno at all….. I’ll let you know more when I know more….
So what did I see yesterday while perusing the cleaning supply aisle? A bottle of Murphy’* O*l. Simple enough, yet upon closer inspection I see that the bottle totes that the cleaning fluid is mostly made of VEGETABLE OIL! See, I was right! You can use vegetable oil to polish your floors. I feel strangely justified in my efforts to be thrifty and green…..
P.S. The Murphy’* O*l did however, do a shitty job of polishing the floors. But whatever, it’s still made of vegetable oil…….
The damn dogs are so smart, that, not only have they figured out how to open the CLOSED laundry room door (where their food is kept), they have also realized that in order to delay getting caught, they need to SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND THEM! What the holy fuck.
Spring Break! Need I say more? I, my friends, am off all week. I have promised P that all week I will be a little happy not-housewife, and keep up our abode, and make dinner. So far I have recycled the trash off of the dinning room table, had sushi (and green beer!) for lunch with A, an read blogs. All day. Oh and I’m doing some laundry. But I promise more will get done. As soon as General Hospital is over. Then, then shit will get done my friends…
Oh my gosh, everyone needs to go give Chicory, Klove and Sassa a gigantic hug of congratualtions becasue they are having a BABY!
Now, when this baby is old enough, I plan on telling them this story:
A long time ago, Klove called and wanted to come over to discuss the Pirate Princess Classy Cocktail Party. I said sure, and we can have cake too! Cheers were heard around.
15 minutes later, Klove marches up to the house and says, “So I’m filled with Mallow’s sperm.” My response, “That’s kind of weird.” While I love Mallow, the thought of his sperm kind of grosses me out. Sorry dude, it does.
I then asked Klove about the insemination, because last I heard, they were taking a break due to a terrible February. She replies, “Yeah, but I really want another baby before the end of the year, so it’s got to be this month or next. The new baby will make an awesome tax write off. Because you know, according to the government, I’m a single mom.” Which is a totally awesome way to fuck the man in my opinion. Okay, so you’re not going to let my wonderful family be recognized by your ridiculous laws, well fine, I’m going to take your money. Humph.
And then we had cake, and Chicory and Sassa joined us, and all was right in the world. And at that very moment, YOU WERE BEING CREATED!
I love you all…..
I, the pirate princess, have lived to see another year. Today friends, is my birthday.
Chicory and I had a lovely time at the Pirate Princess Classy Cocktail Party, and best of all, I’m getting the hell out of town. This weekend, as my birthday present, P and I are going to MOAB! I love Moab! Moab is calm, Moab is beautiful, and best of all, Moab loves dogs. And as an extra special treat, we are actually staying in a hotel! I can’t remember the last time P and I stayed in a hotel. We usually camp or stay with family. Ramad* here we come!
So, I want to write some shit, but I really need to password protect this. Email me for the secret code!
So, Chicory tagged me. Here’s the rules:
Grab the book nearest to you, open it up, and turn it to page 123. Write down the first 5 sentences on that page. Then tag 5 more people.
So, here are the first five sentences of the nearest book to me.
“No, the attraction lies in finding the flaw, seeing it set right next to his confident swagger. Maybe that’s what all the girls love about Archer: his talent for telling lies and having them sound like the truest thing ever said. Until he pushed me away, he had me believing I was his only weakness. I guess when the rum wore off, Archer Bigelow realized not every girl’s worth taking home from the party. If he only knew how well versed I’ve become at practicing patience.” The Birth House, by Ami McKay.
Now for the tagging. Damn, see, only like three people read this, and they’ve already been tagged. So, I’m stretching out to people I’m pretty sure don’t read me, but I read them: Julie, Sharon, Calliope, and that’s it, because well, everyone else has already been tagged for this…….
